Tonight was very liberating for me. I went to rate the old church that I grew up in that there is so much hurt associated with. When I went to rate it, I realized that you could not rate it on Google. So I turned to Facebook. I was apparently blocked from Facebook from their site. I find it ironic that they knew that I could potentially have the power to destroy them with the truth and felt that need. Honestly, I find it kind of empowering.
I had thought about doing it for years. I am part of several Facebook groups that have discussed how leaving a warning or negative review has been a healing moment for them. The feeling of the moment when they worked up the courage to go forward against all the positive comments with the truth of their own experiences. I was never that brave, until tonight.
But when I tried, I realized that all commenting, both on Google and on Facebook had been disabled. Which I realized was completely cowardly of them that they could not allow any disagreeing, outside, or negative views.
So I tagged their church and wrote a review anyway. And then I shared a similar review to my main Facebook page. It truly was freeing. I’m not sure anything will actually come of it, but I took a step and actually publically spoke the truth about my childhood church. I considered turning off comments, but I don’t want to be like them. I want people to have a voice no matter what unlike what they did to me.
I was molested for years in that church. Two brothers molested me and I’m pretty sure they also, based on things that I was told, were probably molested by another member of the church. So the cycle continues. I want the cycle to break. That is all I desire.
When I finally came out with what had happened with one of the brothers years later, my father chalked it up to stupid teenager relationships. I find that ironic, because the abuser was 20 and I was 12, so there was no teens in the situation really. Only an adult and a pre-teen.
This is raw but real. It’s messy but this is the journey of healing.