Obedience / To Train Up a Child

So many content warnings here. To Train Up a Child, child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, IBLP, and spiritual abuse. ¹

I have some thoughts after finishing “Shiny Happy People” and “Counting the Cost.” The first is that the “shocking cult” of IBLP seems eerily similar to my own childhood. Sure, we didn’t have a strict dress code like the Duggars or other IBLP families. But much of the expectation that were placed on their kids seems so familiar. The “Shiny Happy” kids that are expected to obey happily and instantaneously.

“Hearken right away, to delay is to disobey! I will obey the first time I’m told, I will obey right away. Never asking why, never with a sigh, I will obey right away.”

Obey Right Away – Patch the Pirate (This song is wired into my mind, and I can sing by memory)

I’ve written about instant and complete obedience before in my “Growing Kids God’s Way” series. “He (Ezzo) demand’s full and total obedience of a child. A child cannot negotiate, barter, or delay in obedience. And the parents must enforce complete obedience as this is portrayed as god’s mandate.” This is a direct quote of my words from Growing Kid’s God’s Way Part 8.

I’ll just leave a direct quote here from Gary Ezzo.

“Teach him to obey according to the character of true obedience – immediately, completely, without challenge, and without complaint.”

p 147-148 Growing Kids God’s Way

My parents also followed the teachings of Michael Pearl. Someone who was directly endorsed by Bill Gothard. Pearl also appeared in the “Shiny Happy People” documentary. Michael Pearl makes it clear that physical discipline should start young,² and that complete obedience is required even from toddlers and infants.³

Michael Pearl also makes it clear that children cannot be given a second chance to obey or turn around their behavior. A child will be spanked on “first offense” no repentance will be accepted or offer to change their behavior will be put forward.^{4 5} If they commit an infraction they must be punished (spanked)^{6 7} for that infraction.⁸

Well, there you have it folks. There’s the emotional control. If a child is taught instant obedience the child will be “cheerful and pleasant,” and the parent will also find joy as well. Think back to the clip of the preacher spanking the child volunteer on the second episode of “Shiny Happy People.” “Jason” has to find joy during abuse and must smile and hug his “father” after the spanking.

In his book, Pearl is teaching that spanking your kid and forcing instant and complete obedience will bring everyone joy and love.⁹ Listen to the beginning of the clip below. Take notice on how he mentions gaining a child’s trust¹⁰ and abusing the child while demanding complete obedience in the same breath?

On page 62 of To Train Up a Child Pearl describes a young child disciplining her baby doll for imaginary infractions. During that story Pearl states “She knows exactly what her mother expects from her. She discipled her baby doll for attitudes¹¹ not actions.” Obedience is a state of mind not just an action. Any negative behavior or attitude needs to be disciplined out of your children. (If you tell them to enjoy something they sure as hell better enjoy it.)¹²

“Pain is a gift from God not the result of Adam’s fall into sin. Pain warns us that something is not right and needs attention. In fact, in the human experience, nothing gets our attention as fast as pain. In the training process, the same axiom is true. Pain has one purpose; it helps a child focus and gain self-control over destructive behavior, whether it is disobeying, talking back, or an intentional discourtesy.”

p 185 Growing Kids God’s Way Gary Ezzo

Reading (and watching) the Pearl’s and Ezzo’s teachings on obedience is causing me physical discomfort. And I hope anyone empathetic would feel uncomfortable listening to these teachings. I truly feel for the kids who are left in high demand religious households. I truly sympathize as I had my own struggles, as a child, attempting to meet these high standards for instant obedience and falling short.

Children can be trained to show outward love and joy at all times; and they can even be taught display complete and total obedience.¹³ But at what cost? “Their teaching of obedience may have been a success, but was it worth it? Do they realize that their child has very little emotional connection to them because of their authoritarian child rearing choices? Or are they just mystified as to why their child can’t hold eye contact now or hold a deep conversation with them?” My past words from GKGW part eight.

1. Please note if you do read To Train Up a Child, child abuse is laid out in detail often with Michael Pearl’s children and wife enforcing discipline on children in the community around them. It is described in churches, at home visits, and even in the presence of complete strangers. ↩︎
2. p79 To Train Up a Child A story about how a seven-month-old needed physical discipline for his defiant attitude. ↩︎
3. He later clarifies in his book that physical discipline should start at 8-12 months. To Train up a Child p15-16 ↩︎
4. p46 To Train Up a Child. “Never reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence.” ↩︎
5. p61 To Train Up a Child Pearl gives an example of a twelve-month-old child that is taught that they must not whine or call out when they are placed in bed. They are also taught to stay in the confines of the bed. If they whine or leave the bed they MUST be spanked. ↩︎
6. See p43 of To Train Up a Child. Alternatives such as time out are quickly ruled out. Apparently, time out prepares a child to be ready for prison. WTF! ↩︎
7. p50 To Train Up a Child “The military uses real bullets in training the men to avoid enemy fire. Replacing the rod with hollow threats would be to your children like replacing live bullets with firecrackers. It would get the men killed later on.” ↩︎
8. See Chapter 3 “Parental Anger” of To Train Up a Child. Ironically the title “Parental Anger” referrers to anger that parent’s cause themself by allowing their kids second chances at obedience (Or at least that’s what Pearl believes is happening.) ↩︎
9. p45 of To Train Up a Child states “After a short explanation about bad attitudes and need to love, patiently and calmly apply the rod to his back-side. Somehow, after eight or ten licks, the poison is transformed into gushing love and contentment. The world becomes a beautiful place. A brand new child emerges.” ↩︎
10. p101 To Train Up a Child “A child who adores his father will want to above all please him in everything. A child can’t rebel against his best buddy.” ↩︎
11. See pt 77 of To Train Up a Child “There are times when there is no disobedience, but the attitude is completely rotten.” ↩︎
12. p64 and 65 of To Train Up a Child A story about how a fifteen-month-old child was sad and wanted extra attention. When he was told to play with a roller skate he refused. That refusal resulted in spanking the child. Eventually the child caved, and he did as he was told and enjoyed it. “In rolling the wheel, he did what every accountable human being must do-he humbled himself before the ‘highest’ and admitted that his interests are not paramount.” ↩︎
13. Kids turned into “Shiny Happy People.” As referenced by the title of the show. ↩︎