(A New) Home and Homeschooling Ages 7 – 9 (Part 3)

CW for discussion of depression and SA also antisemitic ideas and concepts are part of this story.

Where We Left Off

As my family grew it became apparent that we would need to find a permanent place to live. I’ve tried to nail down the exact year my parents moved, and think it was very likely 2000.¹ My second sister was born later that year, and she would start her life in this new house. It was small, but at least we had a home of our own.

Most of my childhood (11 out of 18 yrs) was spent in this home. I’ve mentioned how my parents didn’t have a lot of money to spend, and this house was a good example of that. When we moved in the whole house was heated by a single kerosine heater in the living room. This left a lot of the peripheral rooms extremely cold, and honestly never even fully warmed the living room. I can remember winter nights with frost on the interior panes of my bedroom and the faint ability to see my breath in my bedroom on nights when it hit subzero (Fahrenheit) temps. Even in the above pictures you can see straw bales on the right side of the photo. These were used to try and offer some type of insulation to our uninsulated crawlspace.

Something I have a very hard time with is the fact that during this time my dad chose to continue supporting multiple missionaries and paying his 10% tithe to the local church. We didn’t have anything – even proper heating, and my dad still made sure to tithe and support missionaries financially.² They also chose to homeschool us. Something that would have been costing them thousands of dollars annually. My family moved to Abeka video classes for me sometime shortly after we moved.³ Adding to this confusion and disgust is the fact that my parents would tell / brag to us about their financial sacrifices to homeschool us. A Christian homeschool environment was so important to my family that they would rather go without then to have their children in a secular public school.⁴

I think a good way to move into these years is to talk about homeschooling and then to talk about our church. Much of what would shape the next few years was directly related to homeschooling and the people in our community. For the first few years that my mom homeschooled us we were very isolated and didn’t interact much with other homeschool families. My mom was getting homeschool magazines. But no organized homeschool communities were there. As we got a bit older (2001-2002) my mom was reaching out to see if there was any type of organized homeschool meet ups.

She found Kathy Eichler an older homeschool mom that ran a monthly meeting for kids. She was very Christian in her methods and lessons. One lesson that I distantly remember is a reenactment and recreation of a Jewish temple with details about the priest’s garments and descriptions about the sacrificial rituals.⁵ I can remember the interactive part of the lesson was tying my “sins” to a rock and tossing it into a stream. Kathy made sure to tell us that all of these Jewish customs were useless as way to deal with our sin and were only place in the bible to point us towards Jesus “The ultimate sacrifice.”⁶

Another distinct memory of Kathy Eichler I have is her pulling out a record player and putting on an old song. Mid song she grabbed the record and threw it on the ground – shattering the record. I completely missed the swear word that occurred as the song played. However, Kathy wanted to make this a lesson for us and decried the filth that was on this record and how it needed to be destroyed.⁷

My mom was slowly radicalized by the homeschoolers that we interacted with. Around this same time my parents would have started to receive vision forum magazines. And along with those came fresh ideas about Christian patriarchy and ridged gender roles. Vision Forum also helped deepen my mother’s quiverfull beliefs.⁸ More extreme influences also came from “Rod and Staff” and other small publishers like them. Rod and Staff primarily deal with plain communities (Amish and Mennonite), but my mom started using homeschooling lessons and books from these communities. Much of my “advanced” reading was done via Mennonite morality tales from these publishers; no “Magic Tree House” or “Baby Sitter’s Club” for me.⁹

INCH or Michigan INCH was a homeschool conference in Lansing MI (My mother and many others in our homeschool community attended). I definitely blame these types of conferences for helping to radicalize the local homeschool community. Speakers like Little Bear Wheeler,¹⁰ Kathie Morrissey and “The Courtship Connection,”¹¹ Ken Ham,¹² Institute for Creation Research (ICR),¹³ HLSDA, Doug Phillips, Diane Craft,¹⁴ and Holistic Medical / Dietary Speakers (Kirk Laskowki)¹⁵ were all promoted through these conferences. To sum it all up: revisionist history, purity culture and courtship, Christian patriarchy, young earth creationism, alternative holistic medical practices, and anti-public school discussion¹⁶ were all a part of these conferences.

These conferences would be where my mom was introduced to Vision Forum,¹⁷ Rod and Staff, Lamplighters¹⁸, young earth creationism (YEC) textbooks for kids,¹⁹ YWAM Publishers,²⁰ Bob Jones, ATI even held space at this convention,²¹ Doorposts,²² Right to Life Michigan, Voice of the Martyrs, Christian Light Education²³ and many more obscure Christian publishers. This environment radicalized a whole generation of homeschoolers and pushed them further right and away from traditional views regarding medicine and science. And it certainly helped to push my family further towards dominionism,²⁴ biblical patriarchy, quiverfull theology, and YEC.

Back to the other major area of social life for me and my family, the church. Unknown to myself at the time my mom was dealing with SA within the church.²⁵ Without getting into extreme detail she was sexual assaulted by a respected member of Deckerville Bible Church. When she took this to the pastor (Jay Chambers) he brought both my mother and David Lee²⁶ the man that SA my mother together for a meeting. He had this man apologize and my mother forgive this man. Apparently during this meeting Jay Chambers praised my mother for “resisting temptation.”

The long-term plan to deal with this SA was counseling meetings that would allow the pastor to check in on David and see if he was “struggling” further. This was never reported to law enforcement. The church congregation was left completely in the dark. And his wife wasn’t informed about the incident. He was also allowed to continue his role in children’s ministry. My mom struggled heavily with depression and anxiety throughout this period of life and would retreat to her room often. The pressure to keep silent weighed heavily on my mother.

I briefly mentioned World of Life in my past posts. From 1st through 7th grade I was heavily involved in World of Life youth ministries.²⁷ During this time I received a lot of messages about the evils of the world, hell, persecution, and a heavy push to bring my friends and family to Christ. I’ll also mention that David Lee was one of my youth leaders throughout this time. His signature is dotted throughout my quiet time journals.

A positive social change for me was the introduction of cub scouts during the latter years of this period (3rd-5th grade). I didn’t have any close friends from this. But I did really enjoy the campouts and crafts that we got to do. And I did get to hang out with kids my age that weren’t from my church (even if that only was for an hour or two every week).

We also started attending a Caro (MI) homeschool music group. And we had some time to hang out with the homeschool kids that also attended these groups before and after we attend our music lessons. I do feel that I had some good memories running through the woods with these kids waiting for our music lessons to start. While none of these relationships really became true friendships I still enjoyed my time there. I think it was just too hard for my parents to schedule meetups and social events with kids that lived 30-45 min away. And our semi-large family meant that mom couldn’t take the time to drive for just one kid to visit their friends.

I’ve mentioned my “large family” multiple times in this series. My mom had multiple miscarriages during this time period as well and struggled to carry a baby to term. Despite her obstetric difficulties, my third sister would have been born at the end of this time period, which brought our family up to five kids and two adults.

Positive Memories

This is honestly the best period of my childhood at least in regards to my memories. I have quite a few memories of getting to visit Ken’s house, and times of having him over and camping in the backyard with him. It sounds stupid but we spent a lot of time doing chores together. He helped me feed the rabbits and chickens, and I would help him feed the calves at his dad’s farm. Our families occasionally would spend time together (ever other year or so). Family cookouts and visits to the beach are the two times I can clearly remember. Ken’s family allowed video games and some TV. Which was a welcome change from my own home.

I remember a lot of time spent outdoors biking, playing in trees, sword fighting with sticks, camping outside, and picking wild raspberries with my siblings. I got a pocketknife from my dad on my tenth birthday and that thing was the bomb. I whittled away at so many sticks and carved my initials into the trees outside. I got a saw around the same time. And I was the death of so many box elder saplings. I had power (to chop away at the many trees on our property) and sharp tools to play with and it was glorious.

Even in regards to my homeschooling experience, this was probably a very decent time. I could clearly understand the content and it was working as a format for learning. I had video lessons to watch (from abeka) so the format felt very school-like in structure. With me “the video student” watching the Pensacola Christian Academy students as they went through their school day. My mom was slowly paying less attention to my learning as I got older. And she did not play an active role in my homeschooling day. But I still felt like I was learning adequately as an independent learner at this time.

Retrospective thoughts

For me I have a lot of anger and frustration around how my parents handled money at this time. Prioritizing religion and missionary work above the needs of their family. Forcing sacrifices upon their children in order to homeschool when we weren’t even included as part of that conversation.²⁸

It’s also deeply troubling to see how my mom and dad were pulled into more conservative movements by their homeschool involvement. Quiverfull ideas, Christian patriarchy, and holistic medicine were all presented within these communities as legitimate and even mandated Christian beliefs. And the homeschool movement did nothing to present proper scientific answers to combat young earth creationism²⁹ and this push towards alternative medical views.

1. It may have been late 1999. I’ve asked my parents, but they didn’t remember. I have a clear photo of my sister’s 5th birthday and can figure out that we moved at the very least some time before April 2000. ↩︎
2. My mom tells the story of getting a letter from a missionary thanking them for their gift. My dad had sent money to a missionary on their (the missionary’s) birthday. My mom said that dad had never even acknowledged her own birthday and gifts were certainly off the table. (Yeah, I know it’s a bit an oversharing of unnecessary trauma. But I think it illustrates that my dad chose who and what he cared about. And it also shows how religion and ministry were prioritized over relationships with his family.) ↩︎
3. I don’t have exact figures. But this type of spending for homeschooling would have been at least 20% of my family’s annual salary. We were dirt poor and could have prioritized a balanced diet, heating, health care, and other NEEDS instead of focusing on spending it for homeschooling. ↩︎
4. I know I would get a lot of “you’re fine it wasn’t that bad” if I ever tried to speak publicly about all of this. But I really feel like this wasn’t okay. My parents willfully and deliberately chose to neglect some of our needs in order to follow their fundamentalist views about tithing and homeschooling. They should have prioritized their children over the theoretical impact on the souls these missionaries could reach using their money. ↩︎
5. Perfectly normally lessons. Not a hint of cultural appropriation. No one would ever be traumatized at the ages of 4, 6, 8 (me and my siblings age) by vivid descriptions of animal sacrifice. /s ↩︎
6. It’s problematic as hell. I know. But this type of idea was common in the circles I grew up in. This obsession with Jewish culture, without any thought to how Jewish people may feel about their culture being appropriated by Christians was a common practice.
   Our religion was the correct one so why would it be problematic? /s ↩︎
7. She also took my brother aside to show him a “Heaven’s Gates. Hell’s Flames” type of video tape (while the rest of us played outside) to encourage him towards a salvation decision. If you aren’t familiar these are morality plays that have a character that goes to hell and experiences the anguish and torment of hell. They contrast that experience with another character that made the choice to get saved and ends up in heaven. ↩︎
8. They deserve their own post as well. Doug Philips was the leader there. And it’s a whole hell of a rabbit hole to fall down. He started a whole homeschooling Christian patriarchal movement. And it all fell apart because he was SA ing a young woman in his care. Vision forum was very big and very import within a very small subsect of quiverfull Christian homeschoolers for almost two decades. Big enough that they sponsored their own movies, held awards banquets (The Duggars received one of their coveted awards), created radio dramas (Jonathan Park), published books, and sold patriarchal media. ↩︎
9. I actually remember specifically being forbidden to read “Magic Treehouse.” Don’t ask me the rational I have no idea. Maybe it was the “magic” in the title. My parents felt like all “magic” was a form of witchcraft in some way. ↩︎
10. He’s an odd one to describe. Think extremely revisionist Christian history lessons with a sprinkle of racism. My mom bought one of his talks on the “armor of god,” and I remember much of it being a purity and anti-porn lecture. I remember he bemoaned the lack of moral integrity of Hollywood and how every movie was porn nowadays. Though throughout his lecture he did include small historical tidbits about how armor worked in the medieval era. ↩︎
11. One of her lecture descriptions. “Keeping Your Kids Pure in Mind and Body (General) Raising children in our society today, and keeping them pure is a real challenge. When children are young, we need to begin to stress the importance of purity, and shape their values. Several practical ideas are given on helping to protect your children’s minds, and encouraging their physical purity.” Taken from INCH’s old website. https://web.archive.org/web/20010501053245/http://inch.org/page32.html ↩︎
12. He’s the founder of Answers in Genesis (AIG), The Creation Museum, and The Ark Encounter. Famously debated Bill Nye and defended young earth creationism. ↩︎
13. Another young earth creationist organization. ↩︎
14. https://web.archive.org/web/20010411015437/http://inch.org/page30.html She spoke about ways to deal with “ADHD.” Listed in her lectures are possible dietary cures for ADD. “Is it Really ADD? (General, Special Needs) Friday 4:00 p.m. Many times a child is said to have an attention deficit disorder when in reality he/she is: 1) experiencing an auditory processing problem, or 2) a right brain learner working with a left brain curriculum, or 3) a child who is suffering from an upset body chemistry from the use of many antibiotics when younger, or 4) a child with an essential fatty acid deficiency. When the diagnosis fits the child, the answers are clear.” ↩︎
15. “What is a Healthy Bible Diet?
    Shalom Ministries of West Michigan Presented by Kirk Laskowski
    Did God intend for us to be vegetarians? Did He really expect us to eat according to our blood type? If bread is the staff of life, then why are so many “experts” saying to avoid it? We must return to God’s Word as the true authority on health. Adopting a Biblically based diet and lifestyle has allowed the Laskowski family of 9 to enjoy excellent health for over ten years. Come and learn how you can, too!” (Taken from INCH’s old website) https://web.archive.org/web/20050509010253/http://www.inch.org/convention/workshops.php ↩︎
16. HLSDA is so hard to sum up in a few words. They were created to protect homeschoolers. But their language and rhetoric is extremely harmful. It encourages distrust in social workers, public school systems, and distrust of your local government. Please check out the kitchen table cult for a deep dive on HLSDA. ↩︎
17. https://web.archive.org/web/20020820050440/http://www.inch.org/page39.html Here he is; Doug Philips promoted right on INCH’s old website.
    Looks like he was also a keynote speaker in 2001. https://web.archive.org/web/20010420002310/http://inch.org/page28.html For those unfamiliar with Doug Philips he promoted Christian patriarchy, dominionism, and homeschooling. Look up vision forum and how it ended. (Doug Philips was accused of SA of a minor.) ↩︎
18. Christian publisher. They republish older Christian morality tales written from 1800 through the early 1900s. I think Teddy’s Button is their most well known book. We read that one together as a family. ↩︎
19. Multiple publishers here. But I’m currently drawing a blank. I know AIG had booths at this conference. Abeka and Bob Jones were both used by my family and both curriculums teach YEC. We didn’t use it but Apologia would also fit the same category. ↩︎
20. I grew up reading “Christian Heroes: Then and Now” stories for kids about famous missionaries because of this particular publisher. YWAM (Youth With A Mission) also runs a lot of problematic missionary trips and train for teens and young adults. There are so many stories of children being harmed emotionally and physically by this organization. ↩︎
21. Bill Gothard. Advanced Training Institute and IBLP. ↩︎
22. https://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=14 See this fun little chart where parents could write in their preferred choice for discipline. ↩︎
23. A Mennonite based publisher that my mom used for readers and for curriculum for my sister. ↩︎
24. Dominionism believes that Christians are required to take back and control society for Christ. According to seven mountains dominionism the separate areas that Christians are called to “take back” are family, religion, education, media, arts & entertainment, business, and government. Please note that government is a part of that and many Christians (including my family) believe that Christians should control the government. ↩︎
25. I wrote and then took down a whole post on the topic. Because I didn’t have my mom’s permission to share it. My mom feels like justice has been served and she’s moved on. He still attended the church for many years and went on trips with the elders of the church. He was a trusted member of the church for many years after this. ↩︎
26. I think abusers names need to be named. Abuse is abuse. And hiding it doesn’t help anyone. Jay was culpable in the way he handled this abuse. By hiding my mother’s abuse it enabled David to continue to abuse other women in the church. ↩︎
27. I promise I’ll devote more time to this later. I didn’t realized how niche this topic was. And I have yet to run into anyone else who participated in world of life children’s ministries. Their college in New York is slightly more well known. But their children’s ministry and influence seems to be decreasing over time. ↩︎
28. https://substack.com/home/post/p-145273094?r=3q8bf9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web Check out D.L.’s substack post about a similar feeling of growing up nonbinary in a Christian household. The image of Abraham and Issac with the text “My parents loved God more than me. And taught me to accept my fate gladly.” was particularly moving for me. ↩︎
29. My parents certainly believed in YEC before this. But it’s disappointing to see zero scientifically accurate textbooks in the Christian homeschooling world. I know they broadly exist in homeschooling circles, but my parents wouldn’t have even had exposure to them. And conferences like INCH promoted YEC speakers like Ken Ham (AIG) and ICR instead. ↩︎