“Just Angry at God”

Not long ago I was sent a message by my mother. It strongly implied that the only reason I left my faith behind was anger at the divine. That if I had a more grace filled college experience I would have stayed within Christianity.

She stated I should have attended a more grace filled college. And she used cedarville as an example of that. Ironically pointing towards a message from Dr. Thomas White as an example of grace.

The sermon itself had its own issues. Asking the listeners to first acknowledge their own fallen sinful natures and total depravity before they could move forward to accept the divine’s grace and love. Something I’ve written about before and how that has affected my own mental health.

Speaking of mental health the speaker also managed to mock the seriousness of mental health within his sermon. Stating that if you are saved you have no reason to be depressed or anxious. I disagree as belief is never enough to cure poor mental health or depression. And depression and suicidal ideations need to be taken seriously (something the college has failed to do in the past).

But more than anything the very character of this man has been called into question. As he has covered up for and allowed a sexual predator to knowingly work with the teens at Cedarville.

Below is a message from my mom that was sent during this conversation.

The question (are you just angry at God) as a whole comes with a lot of baggage. As I’m sure in my parents eyes this is one of the few reasons why a person would turn their back on their faith. There is no way their proof for a divine being could be overridden. It’s pure fact that god exists and that the bible is his words to mankind.

It’s almost impossible to have a conversation with someone if you don’t have the same foundation (the same reality) as them. I’ve struggled with the same thing in regards to my parents’conspiracy theories. When you don’t believe the same your “truth” is different from the other person you are talking to. Their truth that a god exists is not a belief I hold. So even the very foundation of the statement “you must be angry at God” is shaky at best (from my point of view).

I’ve been told that it is okay to be angry at a lost experience or something you never had. So maybe along that line I’m angry at that absence. A god that never stooped down to comfort me as he seemingly did for others. Even my mother claims the comfort of the divine is the only force that has helped her through her darkest moments. I prayed to that same divine power and asked for the comfort afforded to my mother and came away comfortless.

And I’m struck as well how there could never be any evidence offered to change their minds. Part of the biggest reason I changed my mind about my faith was because I was willing to ask questions and change my mind if I found evidence that contradicted my beliefs. I like to think of myself as a rational person who uses the evidence that he is given to direct his behavior and beliefs.

If God or any other divine being is out there then faith in them should be able to withstand questions and logic. The divine should not care if we question them or their existence.