Conclusion (Autobio Part 6)

It’s not a simple ending no great conclusion or plot wrap-up. The disfunction in my family continues. And in many ways, I went on to perpetuate the disfunction started in my childhood. I went on to struggle with my mental health and anxiety in college. Gave patriarchy a try and even tried corporal discipline on my daughter for a while. Disfunction doesn’t disappear overnight.

My mom and dad still haven’t figured out their marriage. Every time I visit there is a tension between them that can explode at a moment’s notice. They still support a harmful church and theology. And I anticipate they will never admit their theology has harmed them or their children.

My siblings are dealing with the effects of the teachings taught to them as well. My brother is anti-vax, quiverful, and deeply entrenched in fundamentalism. My oldest sister clings to an abusive husband. Middle sister attends a fundie college working towards being a Christian schoolteacher. And my youngest sister who was involved in the traumatic accident is working towards being a full-time missionary.

Life moves on and in many ways stays the same, family cycles slowly repeating. Trying to upend that cycle isn’t easy. And it has caused a lot of tension between me and my family. However, the cycle only works if you keep your head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge that anything is wrong.

What happens when you do decide this dysfunctional cycle isn’t working for you or your family? I don’t fully know yet. But I’ve spent the last three years or so writing about my life and working through my thoughts on the topic.

I know that working through shit is really hard. And even discussing trauma can be painful and divisive at times but ignoring it won’t lead to healing. I still default to stonewalling during arguments and discussions of trauma and have to push through that to communicate with my partner and children. But I know this is a better path for my partner and kids, and I can look back and see that fundamentalism and toxic family patterns were not going to work for us.

If you want a look at my life after I graduated high school, check out my posts on Pensacola Christian College. I also did a short “Set Up for Failure” series that gives a bit of history on the religious institutions me and my partner attended after college as well. And that should get you somewhere close to where I was when I first started the blog.

“Call to Action”¹

Dysfunction, abuse, and harmful actions in families and faith communities need to be called out. I’ve directly seen how ignoring them directly leads to further harm occurring. If you have the time and energy, call out the bullshit and point towards solutions to harmful behavior.

And on a more personal note, be there for the little fundie kids in your life. They need someone soft in their lives. Someone to gently show them that there is a life outside of fundamentalism. Be that safe place for them.

1. Yeah, I know cheesy AF. ↩︎