Blinded by Eternity
Faith, Eternity, and Justice I’ve recently been struck by how much the church has been silent over the last few weeks. In fact the only buzz within conservative churches right now is that a Minnesota church was that “anti-ICE agitators stormed a church in Minneapolis” (Direct quote from fox news).1 I’d argue that it’s a lot…
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End of Year Look Back
Discussing: “The Sound of Gravel” and “Homeschooled” CW for non-detailed mentions of SA. I’ve been struggling to write an end of year post. It’s the time to look back; isn’t it? But honestly the last year has been pretty rough. My spouse and I have been running all last year to try to get our…
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HOLY PARENTIFICATION, BATMAN!
Now that that’s out of my system. I just need to vent about parentification and the quiverfull movement for a hot second. I know last post was mostly about mental health and abusive relationship. But parentification is also something that haunts and harms kids within fundamentalist systems. I recently visited my grandma in the hospital…
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Abusive Relationships and Fundamentalism
I spoke recently about laying down boundaries with one of my siblings and how she was told not to witness to my children if she wanted to visit. The conversation quickly pivoted away from any mentions about visiting. And it’s not focused on my younger sibling witnessing personally to me. “Again out of love I…
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Blindsided
“They wear a blindfold to bury the past” I think I’m slowly having to face the fact that my distance from my family very well may be a permanent thing. l truly hadn’t intended it to be forever. I knew physical distance was going to limit contact, but I had never started with the intention…
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An Absence
CW: Conspiracies. Illness in Children Me and my spouse have been going through it recently. Life’s been extremely rough and has required so much more emotional and physical energy to navigate. My autistic child is having an increase in unsafe behavior and that has just made day to day life extremely difficulty. (Fun fact, did…
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The Shred Box
CW: Death of a child, Miscarriage Recently I was talking with my spouse, and I realized that I had completely erased a traumatic event that happened early in our marriage. We were talking about all of the things that we’ve been through together, and she brought up a particular week very early in our marriage.…
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Dear Diary, Today I Came Out of the Closet
CW: Homophobia, discussion of gender, and religion. I realize I use this space to process my thoughts and feelings. And boy howdy do I currently have a lot of both of those. It’s hard to just focus on one specific part. I think a big topic I’ve been delaying processing is that I came out…
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It’s the End of The World as We Know It – And I Feel “Meh”
Discussing personal feelings of impending doom / end times. CW for discussion of end times theology.
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You Could Have Had It All
I’ve been stuck on the same topic of “Nothing Changes” for a while now. And how within many family systems (especially my own) that nothing seems to ever change. I think right now my focus has been on the feeling of sadness and loss. My family and my spouse’s family are still very much alive,…
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Nothing Changes, Everything Changes
Hidden growth CW: HomophobiaBreaks between contact with my family are slowly stretching out. However, every time I do speak at dept with them it’s clear I’ve made the right choice. When I do speak to my mom it’s clear while everyone is growing up physically for the most part nothing changes within their lives. Vague…
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Smoke on the Horizon
Recently I visited Lake Erie. And while the lake was gorgeous, there was a slight haze over the lake due to the Canadian wildfires. On my walk tonight I could see the moon, but it was covered slightly by the clouds. I’m not one to seek omens, but I feel a sense of unease. Someone…
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Watching and Waiting
The author expresses deep concerns about the implications of Trump’s presidency, highlighting issues such as hostility towards minorities, the LGBTQ+ community, and immigrants. They emphasize the potential harm caused by Trump’s potential policies on education, health, and reproductive rights and urge individuals to support marginalized communities and speak out against injustice and fear-mongering.
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Anderson and Abuse of Parental Authority
Abuse of authority and the New Independent Fundamental Baptist and IFB.
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Steven Anderson and Child Abuse
The New Independent Fundamental Baptist movement and child abuse in the Anderson home. And parallel thoughts about abuse within my own fundamentalist childhood.
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Politics and Vaccines
RFK Jr. has dropped out of the race (kind of….)1 and endorsed Trump. One of RFK Jr.’s talking points has been his opposition to vaccines and especially the COVID vaccine.2 Trump has also recently seemed to escalate this same type of rhetoric in his own speeches vowing to defund schools that require vaccines for admission.3…
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Was it a Choice?
Discussing choices in Christian fundamentalism and how they can be influenced by those around you.
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Trump’s Rhetoric on Christian Persecution in America
Discussion of Donald Trump’s divisive statements at the Turning Point Believers Summit.
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God’s Protection (of Trump)
God’s divine appointment and protection of the GOP’s chosen candidate. And some of the dangerous religious fervor associated with Donald’s Trump’s campaign
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Casual Violence
A discussion of violence (towards children and pets) in my early childhood and now in the lives of my family members.
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Joshua Generation
I grew up fully indoctrinated and entrenched in the idea that I would be a part of a new generation that was “on fire for god.” One that was going to take back America for god. And while that lofty idea (of the “Joshua generation”) has mostly fizzled out. It seems like at least a…
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"Inverting" Gender
“Happy Pride Month” from a homophobic family member CW: Homophobic language, conspiracies, and discussion of gore / death (animal). Yesterday I woke up to a text from my father. The practice of “inverting” a child’s sex is a SATANIC RITUAL element within the occult. No context. No more information or any conversation after that. Just…
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Conclusion (Autobio Part 6)
It’s not a simple ending no great conclusion or plot wrap-up. The disfunction in my family continues. And in many ways, I went on to perpetuate the disfunction started in my childhood. I went on to struggle with my mental health and anxiety in college. Gave patriarchy a try and even tried corporal discipline on…
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Highs (and Lows) of High School Ages 15-18 (Part 5)
CW: SA, SI, Depression, Purity Culture A bit of Background The Deckerville First Baptist church was in the middle of a church split when we first started attending. Context of the church split, a mother had approached the new lead pastor Jed Willis about her son who was “living in sin.” What was this man’s…
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Teenagehood and Tragedy Ages 10-15 (Part 4)
CW: Depression, SI, Purity Culture, and injury of a child. Where We Left Off We had left off with the birth of my third sister. I don’t want to jump too quickly to trauma. And to be fair there was about a year of peace before anything drastic happened in our lives. But her accident…
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(A New) Home and Homeschooling Ages 7 – 9 (Part 3)
Homeschooling and church played major roles in my life, exposing us to radical Christian teachings like dominionism and quiverfull teachings. During this time in my life my mother was a victim of SA within the church, leading to her isolation and struggles with depression. Despite these challenges, I found joy in outdoor activities, scouting, and…
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Converted and Cloistered Ages 5-7 (Part 2)
During their time at NTM Durham or shortly after returning, the author’s parents were influenced by heavy quiverfull ideas and theology. Despite not fully embracing it, the concepts shaped their family planning. They moved back to the US, faced marital and church challenges, and adopted homeschooling with limited exposure to the outside world. The author’s…
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NTM and Ministry Ages 0-4 (Part 1)
N.J. shares a personal autobiography series, describing their parents’ missionary aspirations and the challenging upbringing it entailed. Raised in a high-pressure, highly religious environment, the family underwent intense training for missionary life, including living off the grid. Despite learning about abuse within the missionary community, N.J. reflects on their parents’ unwavering commitment to their faith.
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Speaking Up
The author details their experience with neglect and abuse in their fundamental Baptist community. They highlight the dismissal of responsibility or compliancy in the abuse, and evangelicals’ reliance on faith or the afterlife for justice. They call for accountability and urge others to speak out against harm in their communities, emphasizing the need for safe…
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John Macarthur and Mental Health
The Christian war against mental health. (Minor mentions to disability)
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Obedience / To Train Up a Child
The content discusses experiences and reflections on abusive child-rearing practices advocated by Michael Pearl and Gary Ezzo, emphasizing the damaging effects of instant and complete obedience training on children’s emotional well-being and relationships with their parents.
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Nehemiah’s Story – Day of the Homeschooled Child
The CRHE or Coalition for Responsible Home Education has pushed for April 30th to be “Day of the Homeschooled Child.” They have asked for stories that wouldn’t be traditionally told by homeschool alumni. “Some homeschooled children grow up in families that exploit lax homeschool laws to isolate, neglect, and abuse them. Hidden away from any…
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Set Up for Failure (The Gospel Hall Part 3)
The author’s post reflects their experience transitioning from an independent Baptist church to a conservative religious group, the gospel hall assemblies. They sought community and friendship and were initially drawn to the communal sharing within the group. However, they discovered restrictive gender roles and oppressive teachings, leading them to feel marginalized and unwelcome. The harmful…
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Set Up for Failure (Part 2 Pensacola Christian College)
The author discusses their experience at Pensacola Christian College, highlighting the college’s authoritarian and manipulative use of religious authority. They note the enforcement of strict rules, manipulation through guilt and fear, and instances of abuse and trauma inflicted on students. The lack of autonomy and the punitive structure hindered academic and personal growth.
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Set Up for Failure / Authoritarian Parenting (Part 1)
Fundamentalist families set children up for failure by teaching blind obedience to authority figures, equating parental authority with divine authority. This stifles critical thinking.
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“Just Angry at God”
Not long ago I was sent a message by my mother. It strongly implied that the only reason I left my faith behind was anger at the divine. That if I had a more grace filled college experience I would have stayed within Christianity. She stated I should have attended a more grace filled college.…
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Rocking for Jesus
It’s odd listening to music from my teen years. Bands like Flyleaf, Skillet, Pillar, and Thousand Foot Krutch were my “rebellious music” I listened to in high school. But I took a listen back now, and the topics and themes are really quite similar to the message I was getting in my church. I was…
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The Next Generation of Fundamentalists
Does anyone ever feel like the fundamentalists are “winning?” I’ve seen a lot of casual remarks online that outdated beliefs will fade with time. But within my own life I’ve seen a lot of evidence that fundamentalism will continue to be a heavy presence in the world into the next few generations. My own family…
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The Safety of Christian Colleges
It’s disappointing to see that every single Christian college I was pointed towards at a teen now has had some major sandal regarding SA or mistreatment of abuse. These were the colleges that I was suppose to be safe at. The “secular” colleges were suppose to be the scary ones. I was pushed away from…
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The Problem of Certainty
Exploring the extreme certainty fundamentalists often place on the authority of the bible.
Big words such as infallible and inerrant are mentioned.
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Moving On
Right now my life is in a bit of a transitional phase. I’m working on trying to leave my life in my hometown behind and move towards a larger city. Part of that process is a goodbye to my family. I know I’ll see them in the future. And while I know that this is…
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Growing Kids God’s Way: Part 14
Growing Kids God’s Way – Chapter 16, Chapter 17, and Epilogue
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Is Pensacola Christian College A Cult? – Part 2
This will continue my PCC series “Is Pensacola Christian College A Cult.” As in the first part I will directly compare my time at PCC with the BITE model. With this post focusing on “Information Control.”
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Justice
This post is a bit more frank and forward than some of my previous posts. It expresses my pain and anger at the lack of justice in this world.
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Self Worth and Sin
Despite what your church may teach, you are not worthless nor are you wicked.
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Growing Kids God’s Way – Part 13
Chapter Fifteen: Discipline Issues (Part Two) While the previous chapter focused on a specific parenting “problem,” this chapter covers a variety of common childhood misbehaviors. All of which the author assures us are easily able to be controlled by proper parenting. He provides a list of these misbehaviors in the opening portion of the chapters:…
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4th of July
The Fourth of July is here. And with it comes a lot of mixed emotions. I was raised in American nationalism all through my life into my early 20s. I grew up with my life being shaped by 9/11, and the wave of American pride and nationalism that came after it. I watched my father…
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Freedom From Fundamentalism 